I have to be honest, for much of my life, I have struggled with feeling very alone. You see, I’m that nerdy little girl who spent her days reading a book instead of going to the mall–and, being quite an introvert, I’ve struggled with making friends. Even when I have amazing friends, still I sometimes (more than I can admit without feeling rather ashamed) feel alone, like I’m on the outskirts looking in, like I’m the charity case that people invite as an afterthought.
Just recently–it’s taken me a surprisingly long time to come to this realization–I discovered that this is a lie.
Yes, I may be quiet and have a less-than-gregarious personality–but I am not a loner, unless I make myself be one. My friends love me as much as I love them. And I can be incredibly bold.
My insecurities are just a lie that tries to make me curl up in a little ball inside myself and never go outside again, never try to make new friends, never make an effort to stay in touch with old ones. I do not have to listen to it, because God is much stronger than my little lie of worthlessness, and He tells me, “I will never leave you nor forsake you” (Joshua 1:5; Deut. 31:6).
I keep struggling with this, and may for the rest of my life, so I wrote this poem about how I feel alone, but God reminds me that He is with me always. This poem is called “Clocks,” because I find that their ticking can at times be very comforting, and at times very isolating.
.
Tick, tick, the clock would sound
Tick, tick, tock–
A man-made mimic of my heart
And each beat cried
“Alone”
.
Now tick, tick, I hear it still
Reminder of the time
But different now, the beat resounds
Not “one” but
“Yours alone”
.
Thud, thud–my body’s clock
Though its anthem changed years ago
Still darkness shouts
And tries to revive
The echoes of “alone”
.
Tick tick, thud thud, a chorus now
Two clocks hang
Two hearts sound
You kill darkness with Your light
And promise me
“Never alone”
.