I have to be honest, for much of my life, I have struggled with feeling very alone. You see, I’m that nerdy little girl who spent her days reading a book instead of going to the mall–and, being quite an introvert, I’ve struggled with making friends. Even when I have amazing friends, still I sometimes (more than I can admit without feeling rather ashamed) feel alone, like I’m on the outskirts looking in, like I’m the charity case that people invite as an afterthought.
Just recently–it’s taken me a surprisingly long time to come to this realization–I discovered that this is a lie.
Yes, I may be quiet and have a less-than-gregarious personality–but I am not a loner, unless I make myself be one. My friends love me as much as I love them. And I can be incredibly bold.
My insecurities are just a lie that tries to make me curl up in a little ball inside myself and never go outside again, never try to make new friends, never make an effort to stay in touch with old ones. I do not have to listen to it, because God is much stronger than my little lie of worthlessness, and He tells me, “I will never leave you nor forsake you” (Joshua 1:5; Deut. 31:6).
I keep struggling with this, and may for the rest of my life, so I wrote this poem about how I feel alone, but God reminds me that He is with me always. This poem is called “Clocks,” because I find that their ticking can at times be very comforting, and at times very isolating.
Tick, tick, the clock would sound
Tick, tick, tock–
A man-made mimic of my heart
And each beat cried
Now tick, tick, I hear it still
Reminder of the time
But different now, the beat resounds
Not “one” but
Thud, thud–my body’s clock
Though its anthem changed years ago
Still darkness shouts
And tries to revive
The echoes of “alone”
Tick tick, thud thud, a chorus now
Two clocks hang
Two hearts sound
You kill darkness with Your light
And promise me